he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
