***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
