Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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