Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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