The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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