fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
