I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
