It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
