You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
