Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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