just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
