I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
