this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
