even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
