I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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