Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
