This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
