Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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