u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
