We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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