So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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