I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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