found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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