i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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