the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
