I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
