i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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