Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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