your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
