He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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