I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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