Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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