Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
