the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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