Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
