so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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