What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
