She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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