Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
