3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
