she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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