I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
