I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
