I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
