Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
