captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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