cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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