We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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