Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
