He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
