Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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