her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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