Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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