The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
