glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
