I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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