My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
