just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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