Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
