one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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