I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
