Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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