FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
