he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
