I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
