i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
