what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
