he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is Oprah even human
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
