Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
