What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
